Bored housewife meet no email
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As time goes on I lose more of who I used to be, but I gain the excitement and fulfillment of hardcore kink and being controlled as a sex slave to my Master. It's really good, but it's been in syndication for months; you don't really need to pay attention till the ending. I've been out with so many women, there is just about no way that this hasn't happened to me. There is no way I could tell, short of smelling the semen on her breath. My friends, who had not yet consigned all the women of earth to a fiery death and eternal damnation, made up a story about me to explain my behavior.
Thinking that it was possibly blood and I had sustained a head injury, I rushed to the bathroom, and there in mirror was rock bottom: The "love of my life" stared back at me with a face covered in hardened, crusted vomit.
One or two more drinks later, I decided that I was going to dance. Every smile was met with a smile, every caress with an equal response. Not only did I never once realize it, the only thing I remembered the next morning from that club was thinking that I'd fallen in love. For a split second, I honestly thought I'd died and hell was sponsored by Warner Brothers.
Completely immersed in my indignant self-pity on the dance floor, I found my savior. The person who would never betray me and who would love me forever and never fuck anyone else behind my back without telling me. In my eyes, I finally found someone that I was in love with. Let me emphasize: I was so drunk, I was dancing WITH MYSELF in the mirror. For real, it took several of them to convince me that I was dancing alone, and not with the most amazing girl I'd ever met. That was a bit of a shock, because I'd always thought Disney would rule hell.
Sir Since those boring housewife days of being starved for sex I have becum an owned sex slave to my Master. Karen's going to have to learn the difference between good beer and watered down horse piss if she wants to move up in my Ho Hierarchy. I stomped around my apartment for the two hours until I met my friends out. "Friend "Well apparently not, Sloppy Joe."Tucker "Aren't you just the comedian? Yes friends, this was going to be one of "those" nights.
First it started out as a fun light kink game, Sir brought out the repressed whore in me. I am going on some silly blind date tonight that my friend set me up on..I was wondering if I could swing by your place and get a protein shake first? Karen is obviously making an attempt to move up from Irregular Booty Call to Head Dick Sucker. She got right down to business because her date started in less than 30 minutes. I explained the whole situation to them and they laughed, made fun of me, and told me to get over it. "Friend Tucker, haven't you done this to girls before? At the first bar I went around quizzing girls about how often this sort of thing happens: Tucker "Let me ask you a question: Have you ever sucked off one guy, then went on a date with another guy right after? Or fucked another guy right after you blew a different guy, but without telling the second one? "Tucker "Don't play coy with me."As you can imagine, this made me very popular with the ladies.
I was reaching up to discover the source of this itch as I stumbled in my door.
My roommate took one look at me, audibly gasped and got that "Oh my god" face I've seen so many times.
Yellow and brown bile matted my hair, chunks were in my eyebrows and ears, my cheek and neck even had pieces of grass stuck in the vomit crust. So much for being too good for whores' sloppy seconds.
But the piece de resistance lay on the top of my head, at the edge of the crusted vomit, precariously stuck to my hair, still stuck to the vomit: A small, dry, hardened dog turd.
"Tucker "Yeah, it tastes like ass."Girl "I like ass."Tucker "What's your name?
"Had it been any other night, I would have turned this little gem into a tongue up my ass crack. Tonight, it was only a matter of time before I fucked it up. Let's tally the total: You know it's been a hard night when you wake up totally dehydrated and still dizzy.
I like to pretend the lyrics are Let's Wait in Line for Shoes."Tucker [I stare blankly at her for a good ten seconds]Girl [Still trying to be cheery] "Isn't that funny? "Tucker [Wait for it..for it...] "I bet you've sucked miles of dick."She immediately turned away and as she walked off stuttered, "You're, you're...a JERK! I snatched some pink drink off the bar as the girl who owned it looked the other way, took a sip, and immediately spit it out.