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” Mary laughed, then pauses for a moment to mull over the question.That pause of thought is a lovely habit of Mary’s I noticed throughout the interview.
All Christians are trying to come from a place of love, and they’re just confused and incredibly misguided into twisting words.“We lost all of our friends along with our community,” Mary said. And it wasn’t even all about my mom being a lesbian, it was about her divorcing my dad.” To the Pentecostal church, I suppose living a life of lies and quiet desperation is better than exposing unconventional truths.For some, the loss of community and breaking of beliefs might be a crushing blow.The choir sounded like traditional hymns sung by monks, and the services took place in a massive Seattle cathedral. People would bring blankets, lie on the Cathedral ground, and quietly listen to this lovely music.It was then that I realized, for me, the divinity of God was in my writing and artistry.But the thing is even if you’re all like ‘love the sinner, hate the sin’ you’re still full of hate.” Since both Mary and her first girlfriend were part of the Church, they tried to make sense of the contradiction between what felt right and what they were told was wrong.
“I would sit in church and cry, just cry every Sunday.” Mary said, “I hated myself and wanted to die, so my girlfriend and I would pray.
For Mary, it lit a little something inside of her spirit that never went away.
As a teenager, Mary discovered two very different extracurricular activities — poetry and the Evangelical Church.
That actually sounds like my personal hell then, now, and possibly forever. I felt so good in my own skin, like now I fit.” Unfortunately the Evangelical Church she loved was less than supportive of her newfound realization.
To do that such a thing takes brass balls, or in Lambert’s case brass ovaries. “The funny thing about the church is that they don’t see it as they’re being hateful or that they’re hurting a community.
“Evangelicals seemed so passionate, so on fire for God, and I think I was just drawn to people who care so much about something.” That desire for authentic human connection also fueled Mary’s poetry, which covered a range of often-taboo topics including body image issues, depression, and her own sexuality.